Most mediators will tell you that apologies are important in mediation. In addition, some models include apologies as a key element of mediation process. However, research has shown that apologies are not always effective. Some authors even go so far as to say that apologies are a risky strategy because, in some cases, they may worsen the conflict. Should we therefore abandon apologies as a useful mediation strategy? If not, under what circumstances are they effective?
A review of Michelle Ryan Fehr and Gelfand (2010) answers this question. According to the authors, an apology is effective when the type of excuse matches the type of personality. The results of this research suggest that it is only when the apology is in alignment with the type of personality of the recipient, that it is effective. More specifically, the authors propose the following strategic alignments:
Individualistic individuals (i.e. those who are primarily concerned with their rights, privileges and personal goals) will be more likely to accept an apology which provides compensation or repair. The apology that focuses on compensation offers to restore the relationship by performing actions to repair the injury or harm.
Relational individuals (i.e. those who are affected by their relationships with others) will be rather sensitive to receiving apologies which display empathy. This type of apology demonstrates the recognition of the suffering of the victims.
Institutional individuals (i.e. affected by the standards and rules of life) will be particularly sensitive to apologies that contain recognition of wrongdoing. This type of apology highlights the awareness that the wrongful act/conduct has violated a social norm.
Thus, the mediator should coach the parties to make an offer that matches the personality of the other party. One must recognize the personality type of the injured party. To do this, the mediator must take the time to explore the values of the parties offended. Are they affected by their rights? "Violated" by their destroyed relationships? Or when the rules of conduct are not respected? The answer to this question may be the key to effective apologies.
Reference
- Fehr, R. and Gelfand, M.J. 2010. "When apologies work: How matching apology components to victims'self-construals Facilitates forgiveness" Organizational Behavior and Human Decision Processes, 113 (1), p. 37-50.
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